Here’s the deal. (That was my favorite thing to say when I was little and my parents gave me a directive that I felt required some negotiating.)
I started writing a post for my series on hospitality a few days ago. I’ve been thinking about it and editing and revising, and it just has not come together. So, rather than publish something that I am not happy with and I know I am not done thinking through, I’m offering myself a little grace and coming at you with a quick post on my favorite, go-to topic: What’s saving my life right now?
The answer? Honestly, the practice I’m cultivating of checking in with myself and learning to say no when I know I need rest.
I was thinking this through out loud during Spiritual Direction last night and came to a realization. When I give myself space to stay home and rest and process the good things that I have said yes to, I appreciate them more. I’m able to savor the experience and the time I’ve spent with people. I’m able to be more present to those moments that have already happened. By saying no sometimes, I am giving myself the space to be even more present to the things I will say yes to in the future.
I guess I’m practicing that a little bit tonight by deciding not to crank out the post I have been trying to wrangle into submission. Instead, I’m choosing to give it the time it needs. I had already given myself an extension from yesterday until today, but it wasn’t enough. I took my sabbath today and at the end of that time I was still really tired and needed more rest. I ate dinner and then sat down to finish up the post I began on Saturday and realized that I can’t force it. I need more rest and I need more grace. I trust that it will come together eventually, because I am committed to seeing it through, but maybe my timetable isn’t right for this one.
This is hard for me to do, to be honest. It’s very hard for me to miss deadlines—even when they are self-imposed. My self-worth is wrapped up in what I do and what I produce. I don’t like it, but that’s the truth. (I wrote about this more over here.)
Right now, my body and my brain and my creativity are craving rest. I’m going to lean into that and trust that eventually I will move back into a time of creativity and produce things I am proud of and ready to share.
What about you? What’s saving your life right now?